BOOMER JOURNEYS: Saying good-bye to your best friend

By Alex Carrier, Special Correspondent
Published: July 31, 2008

Pets have been part of my life for as long as I can remember.  All manner of finned, furred and feathered friends were beloved members of the family when I lived with my parents and later in the home I share with my husband.
Like all good friends, our pets share our happiness, console us when we are sad, hold confidences, love us in spite of our failings and give us joy beyond measure.  Each has a different personality and each is loved individually in return.
Science has discovered how much pets improve the lives of their humans.  Talking to and petting animal companions lowers blood pressure and reduces stress.
Pets enhance both physical and emotional well-being.  Pet owners have fewer visits to the doctor.  Having and loving a pet has been shown to increase the survival rate of heart patients.
The care and love is reciprocal.
Loved pets, especially those who stay mostly inside the home, live longer lives.  Eventually, however, the time comes when the last loving thing you do with your pet is say good-bye.
Last week, my husband and I said good-bye to our calico cat of 18 years Victoria.  She had a good long life and we deeply mourn her loss as do our other pets.
In talking with friends and fellow pet-lovers, we found similar stories of love and loss.
Others had felt our grief and sometimes struggled with ways to express their feelings and get through this tough time. 
What do you do when you or your family lose a beloved pet? 
First and foremost allow yourself the comfort of grief.  Pets are such an important component of our lives that many studies have been done about this very special human/animal bond.
Those studies show grief over the death of a pet is similar and often as profound as the grief over the loss of a family member or close friend.  For many, it is the loss of a family member and close friend.
Seek out the comfort of friends and family who accept the grief you feel and may have experienced it themselves.

Because the special human/pet bond is so significant, trained support groups and agencies have been established to help people through the loss of a pet.  Even the internet has been able to connect grieving pet owners.
It is important to remember that grief affects each person in a uniquely individual way.  Your experience may not be the same as someone else’s but that does not mean you both do not suffer as great a sense of loss. 
Some people may not understand your grief.  Simply accept this fact and don’t argue with them.
It is only because you shared such a deep and rewarding connection with your pet that you feel such loss.  You are not required to explain it to anyone.  Your grief is your own and it is valid. 
Denial may be one stage of grief par
ticularly painful for pet owners since a decision may have to be made on euthanizing a pet.  This is a time when the valued support of your vet and friends who share your love of pets will help you. 
Remember that you are human and so are the people around you.  Be honest with others about how you are feeling and accept that they may not be able to understand the depth of your loss. 
Say good-bye in the way your feel the most comforted.  Like your grief, your method for finding comfort is individual to you.  Do what makes you feel better as long as it is not harmful.
Be aware of and honest with yourself.  If you feel compelled to do things that would harm you or someone else, or if you become inconsolable and unable to resolve your feelings of loss, seek help from a professional. 
Don’t deny yourself memories of your pet.
  For the most part, animals have shorter life spans than humans.  Accepting the love and companionship of a pet means accepting the inevitability of grieving their loss.
Each time I have said good-bye to a beloved pet, I have come to know that moment when the memory of their loss fades but the memory of our shared loving bond remains strong.
Their companionship and love, the happiness they bring to life always outshines the grief felt when they are gone.